she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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