it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
