i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
