Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
