Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
