I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
