i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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