I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
