They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Randomize
