true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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