time to smoke my breakfast
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
