how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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