So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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