batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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