Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
