Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
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which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
