Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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