Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
