i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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