maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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