even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
