I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
