oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
