Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
