As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
