I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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