he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
