Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
