i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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