I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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