God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
