I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
