Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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