Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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