Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
