I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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