I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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