I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
