Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
