I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
