I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
