I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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