I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
