Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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