You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
