If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
