does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
