I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
