while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
