boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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